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Limbo: Watching Your Child Crawl Into A Chasm

October 9, AD 2013 39 Comments

Because I got so much feedback from the post about miscarriage and limbo, I feel duty-bound in all my unmatched wisdom to continue the conversation.

That was a joke. Actually, I feel pretty helpless and clueless right now. But sometimes even the questions need to be clarified before answers can be found, which is why I have fewer and fewer answers as life passes by, and bigger and bigger questions.

See, I’m pregnant. I’m actually, right now, pregnant. It wasn’t a joyous event.

A little background: I get pregnant if my husband walks across the room. When my husband and I were first married, even though I was not yet Catholic, I decided to embrace being open to life, and to be a better mother to the two children I already had. Boom. Four girls in five years. I was literally nursing or pregnant that whole time, and it’s a very difficult way to start off a marriage, especially if the bride has past issues that are not yet dealt with, and said issues sometimes cause her head to spin in frightening ways (I’m not kidding, demons almost pushed me over the edge). We made it, but yeah, it was so hard. By the time the fourth daughter was on her way, I was in therapy because I was facing my sins (the worst of which was an abortion). I was even hospitalized for suicide, which was really more about a counselor pushing me to abort that child than an actual meltdown on my part. This was during my conversion, and I kept going because I sincerely wanted to lead a holy life.

After those four girls, I had two miscarriages and it scared me to death. Then I got pregnant again (because … husband walked into the room and all) and our healthy, beautiful son was born. Then I had two more miscarriages, and banned my husband from entering any room I was ever in, but alas!, the walls are thin around here — I am pregnant again. This is my thirteenth pregnancy. Thirteenth.

I can’t repeat what I said when I saw the pregnancy test. Suffice it to say, I went to confession afterwards. My priest, knowing I’m a facts kind of person, said, “Let’s look at the facts. Your husband thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. You think he’s the most wonderful man in the world. (It’s true, even though I was angry about the thin walls, I do think that about him.) It can only be God’s will that this little baby was conceived in your womb. This child was conceived in love. This child has parents who love it. Even if the life is short, it’s a blessed life.”

I couldn’t disagree. Those facts are facts. And just in case that wasn’t enough, my priest added with loving enthusiasm, “Besides, this child is living in the year that Blessed Pope John Paul II will be declared a saint!” (It’s a Polish parish, but no, Trasancos is not Polish, it’s Spanish.)

So, there it is. Beautiful, huh?

The thing is, I’m mature enough now to handle this. I’ve been through miscarriage before. I’ve raised/am raising seven children. I have confidence that I can handle quite a bit of hard work and suffering.

This is the reason I write about it. When I was in my twenties, the situation would have been drastically different. Today, when someone tells me this kid’s going to hell if he/she dies, I don’t have a meltdown (and yes, that’s more or less what people have even said this week) because I know better than to listen to those people. That’s why limbo bothers me so much. People still believe that it is dogmatic truth and no one can hold any other opinion, and those people don’t think about what they are saying. They don’t realize that to a woman at risk for miscarriage, thinking your child will go to hell if you “miscarry” it, is like watching your infant crawl toward you, when suddenly the earth breaks open and the child, in need of baptism and just out of your reach, falls into the dark chasm never to be seen again. It is horrifying. I don’t think people realize how incredibly cruel such language is to a mother. (And then those people say, “Oh hey, you need to be open to life though and get pregnant as much as possible.”)

Picture this:

A young woman assents to Church teaching and is “open to life.” She has a child. Then she becomes pregnant a second time, with the sweetness of that first birth still before her. Miscarriage doesn’t really give you space to figure things out. It just happens. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that the first sighting of an indicated miscarriage leads a woman to want to stand on her head to reverse gravity’s affect on her body, to do anything keep that child safely in her womb. It does feel like “miss-carrying;” it feels like you are dropping something you were supposed to hang on to.

And in the end, there’s nothing you can do. All the mother has to hang onto is — that all important word — hope. She has the hope that the child lives on, and that she will someday be united again with the child that lived its whole earthly life united with her body. In a culture where women are often told that they don’t have to love their children from conception, when a woman decides that big, huge YES, that outpouring of love even for her tiniest of embryos, well, imagine some legalistic fellow Catholic introducing her to that tragic chasm when she is begging for answers.

“Where is my baby now? I didn’t baptize it. I couldn’t. What happens to him or her?”

“Well, Catholic theology (invoking all the Doctors and Saints and Popes) says that unbaptized children go to limbo.”

“What’s limbo?”

“Well it’s the edge of hell, but it’s not really hell because there’s no pain, the baby is just deprived of the Beatific Vision, you know, that salvation you are striving for in life by being so open to life and love.”

The mother stopped listening at one word — hell.

How does a mother imagine herself striving for the Beatific Vision, by striving to grow in virtue and love for Christ and her family, while leaving this child behind? It feels so selfish to think that the child is consigned to a painless hell, never to be united with you again, especially if you go to Heaven. Did you get that? The mother is in a very hard place. If she goes to Heaven, then she will not see her child again. That’s what limbo says to mothers.

You want to know what I thought at first? I sobbed and sobbed for (I don’t remember how many) days because for the first time since I converted, I actually thought that maybe I didn’t want to go to Heaven either. I couldn’t just sit my precious child on a raft and shove him out to sea, over the horizon to be forgotten forever. That’s no different than aborting that child, which is why the term “spiritual abortion” describes limbo well. And for what? For failing to give birth and pour water on his head. To hell with desire.

It didn’t make any sense.

It still doesn’t, but like I said, I’ve matured. It’s not the Church, it’s certain people who cling to a theological opinion as if it needs no further development. The doctrine of limbo needs more thought. If I’d been twenty-five when that happened, I’d have had a serious crisis of faith, and it would have been the fault of those legalistic, hopeless, know-it-alls. Since I was older and confident in my faith when the first miscarriage happened, I was able to think about it more rationally (not that twenty-five year olds can’t think rationally, I just know I wouldn’t have).

I read that International Theological Commission document about “hope” and I read the Catechism, and I decided to have hope.

Now “hope” is kind of a hard thing to get your head around, especially if you like to be in control of things. You have to let go, and have faith. When you have lost a child like this, it’s enough though, to have hope. It’s all you’ve got, and in a way, the growth and maturity that comes from realizing what hope is really all about, is a gift. No, it is a gift, no question about it. Learning to hope is a gift. Those babies I lost have taught me much about life.

I started to look at everything in my life through the lens of hope. I started to think about abortion differently too. In addition to speaking out against it, and living my life as a testimony against it, I also started to pray more. Instead of just mourning all the lost babies whose mothers didn’t want them (which I still do mourn), I also started praying for them. I started praying for them like they were friends of my lost children, little babies who just wanted to be loved and not forgotten. Isn’t that what hope is about? Not forgetting.

And my ability to hope grew and grew. I realize now that hope is really all the certainty we’ve got. “Jesus, I trust in You.”

I sometimes envision my five children who died before birth waiting for me on a beach, playing in the sunshine. I imagine myself standing there with them, hugging each of them and telling them how much I love them. Sometimes, after hugging them and closing my eyes to breath in their smell and the ocean air, I open my eyes to discover there are hundreds of children all around us, wanting to be hugged too. Sometimes I linger there and hug them all, and pray. And hope. Something tells me those children don’t want to be forgotten. They were aborted in this life. Why should we forget about them for eternity? Why can’t we still pray and hope for them? Maybe that beach is like limbo, but I don’t think it’s the edge of hell. I think it’s a place where children go and hope to be loved.

So, you see, if this little baby living in me now, living in the year of the canonization of Pope John Paul II, departs this earth sometime in the next few weeks or months before I hold him or her up to my cheek and nestle that soft skin, I guess this little Trasancos will go hang out with the other five little Trasancoses (my husband adopted the one from long ago, a story for another time) while Mommy and Daddy and all the other siblings finish our time on earth — loving, laughing, and hoping that we’re all happy in Heaven together when this life is done. Until then, we are in communion.

Hope. If you want to talk about theology, don’t leave out hope. Christ came to fulfill the law, not to change it. Maybe — just maybe — we don’t know everything yet.

Hello, and thank you for reading. My name is Stacy Trasancos. I am a wife, mother of seven, and joyful convert to Catholicism. I write from my tiny office in a 100-year-old restored Adirondack mountain lodge that overlooks a small spring-fed lake. Read more about me here. Find me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or contact me by email. God bless you!
  • http://www.catholicauthor.us/ Dominic de Souza

    Truly powerful, truly beautiful. Thanks Stacy! May God bless and be with you in this pregnancy!

  • http://magisterialfundies.blogspot.com/ Rick DeLano

    This one is better, especially the title ;-)

    Everything is going to be fine, because God makes no mistakes.

    We sometimes can’t understand how that is, but we will.

  • John Darrouzet

    As one of your many friends, I stand with you on rethinking the theological concept of limbo, for the many reasons I have given elsewhere. God be with you and yours!

  • benedict1

    One of the wonderful things I discovered about Faith is just as you say. With Faith comes Hope and a Future. No Faith, no Hope, no Future. And that’s where the modern world has largely stuck itself, in the very, very dead end of no Hope. Ergo no future.

    You have the gift of Hope and you are living it out. We are all blessed because you let us in on your life in so many private ways. And you know what? Most of us have stories with similar twists and turns, hurt and happiness but always focused of the Faith-Hope-Future triad. Praying very hard here for you and your family to see this next little baby. A whole bunch of people are living this dream with you.

  • http://www.2catholicmen.blogspot.com/ Ben @ 2CM

    Like paragraph 1261 of the CCC says, we entrust them to the mercy of God. I can’t think of a better place to entrust anyone, especially children, or a better reason to have hope.

    “Let the children come to me, do not hinder them”

  • nannon31

    Stacy,
    Go to section 99 of Evangelium Vitae by John Paul II and the last paragraph of that section reads as follows ( you’ll see one sentence in which he implies you’ll see all such children again):

    ” I would now like to say a special word to women who have had an abortion. The Church is aware of the many factors which may have influenced your decision, and she does not doubt that in many cases it was a painful and even shattering decision. The wound in your heart may not yet have healed. Certainly what happened was and remains terribly wrong. But do not give in to discouragement and do not lose hope. Try rather to understand what happened and face it honestly. If you have not already done so, give yourselves over with humility and trust to repentance. The Father of mercies is ready to give you his forgiveness and his peace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. To the same Father and his mercy you can with sure hope entrust your child. With the friendly and expert help and advice of other people, and as a result of your own painful experience, you can be among the most eloquent defenders of everyone’s right to life. Through your commitment to life, whether by accepting the birth of other children or by welcoming and caring for those most in need of someone to be close to them, you will become promoters of a new way of looking at human life.”

    • http://stacytrasancos.com/ Stacy Trasancos

      Thank you Bill! A new way of looking at human life? Absolutely.

  • http://thebodyguardtob.wordpress.com/ Jim Russell

    Stacy–so beautifully and powerfully said. Thank you for opening your heart to the gift of new life. God bless you and your family.

  • Lena

    I hope you have hope that your child survives a full-term pregnancy and is born alive and grows up though I understand why you would be cynical that he or she won’t be born. And I do hope your baby gets to be born and grow up.

  • VelikaBuna

    Is limbo not a third state? There is heaven, hell and limbo? I thought there was only heaven and hell?

    • http://thebodyguardtob.wordpress.com/ Jim Russell

      When one dies, the Church definitively teaches that our soul will experience one of three things: 1) eternity in Heaven, or 2) eternity in hell, or 3) a period of purgation (Purgatory) before entering eternity in Heaven.

      • VelikaBuna

        True. But I was talking about permanent state, and purgatory is a temporary transition to heaven. In the end there will be only Heaven and Hell…and Limbo?

        • http://thebodyguardtob.wordpress.com/ Jim Russell

          The theological opinion regarding the limbo of the infants proposes that this “limbo” is in fact the “edge” of hell itself, rather than a “third” location along with Heaven and hell. Thus there remain only two “eternal” destinations for the soul–Heaven or hell (which would include the proposed “limbo” of infants, who would experience “natural happiness” and no “pain of sense” but would be deprived of the Beatific Vision).

          • Bill S

            What a crock! The edge of hell itself?

            How about this. You die, your brain stops working. Your brain stops working, you lose consciousness. You lose consciousness, you cease to exist. End of story. Forget about three or four possible destinations. One. Nothingness. As in where you were before you were conceived.

  • VelikaBuna

    I remember reading some saints who had vision of heaven and hell, (maybe St. Faustina) and in heaven she recounts seeing giants and some humans small as spiders if my recollection is correct. I would say that small as spiders must have been unborn?

    • nannon31

      Private revelations even of saints are not binding on Catholics…ask your pastor. Very differently from Faustina, St. Thomas Aquinas held that each glorified person would have the glorified body at the age of what would have been his or her physical peak…therefore Christ died at 33 which was roughly his peak. ( I say roughly because it, His peak, may have been slightly older or younger since after the Resurrection, almost no one recognized Him but once they acclimated to His new look, they accepted that.)
      Otherwise if Faustina were correct, most glorified people would be elderly and age is partly a negative result of the Fall. Both babies and the elderly will receive respectively what would have been their peak and what was their peak.
      ….their body in its twenties or thirties etc.
      Private visions of saints can be influenced in some details by their subconscious mind…hence in part, private visions are not binding. In other words and in Aquinas’ paradigm, all small children would receive glorified bodies ( in their 20′s…30′s etc.) they would have had….had they lived longer on earth.

      • nannon31

        PS…make that Aquinas and Augustine.
        Summa Theologica, Supplement, Question 81, article one, sed contra:

        “On the contrary, It is written (Ephesians 4:13): “Until we all meet . . . unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the age of the fulness of Christ.”
        Now Christ rose again of youthful age, which begins about the age of thirty years, as Augustine says (De Civ. Dei xxii). Therefore others also will rise again of a youthful age.
        Further, man will rise again at the most perfect stage of nature. Now human nature is at the most perfect stage in the age of youth. Therefore all will rise again of that age.”

        • VelikaBuna

          It’s a mystery.

        • james

          St. Augustine sounds like a Jehovah Witness out ‘ in service ‘.

      • VelikaBuna

        I know that private revelations are not binding, but only official pronouncements of the Magesterium, thanks anyways.

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  • Therese

    Stacy, you can prevent recurrent miscarriage. Find a physician near you trained in NaProTECHNOLOGY at http://www.fertilitycare.org, under “Find a Medical Consultant”, asap. If there is not one close by contact the Pope Paul VI Institute at 402.390.9175 (again, asap) and they can begin their protocols with you immediately.

  • RMW

    Like you Stacy, I got pregnant when my husband would breathe in my general direction. At this point, I am passed those years (not by enough though not to miss them). But, as a result of my uber-fertility and our deep abiding love, I have been pregnant for about 109 months and nursed for approx. 150 months – this resulted in 11 children here on earth and 5 in heaven.

    Like you, I have confronted and even fought with those who want me to admit my children in heaven are somewhere called “Limbo”. Not going to happen. I would happily risk a few more centuries in Purgatory for disagreeing with their view of heaven than think of any of my children being denied the face of God due to a biological flaw on either their part or my own.

    I am now smiling thinking of your five against mine in a game of kickball or just playing tag as they look down, laugh at our foibles, pray for their siblings (they do have us as mothers, after all) and await our arrival.

    And, if I am wrong about all of this, only God has permission to tell me so because only then will I be able to handle it. Until that point – everyone else can just keep their views to themselves.

  • TheActualTruth

    I’ve lost 4 babies to miscarriage (have six here on earth), and I don’t for a minute believe I won’t see them again in Heaven.
    If I love them so much I can’t bear the thought of being separated from them forever, how much more strongly must God, the very perfection of love, feel about being separated from them forever?! Why would he want to be permanently separated from billions of human beings who never even committed a single sin to separate themselves from Him?
    It’s also quite possible many of us have had more miscarriages than we know of, given that very early conceptions that go awry may never be detected at all.
    If I am to be forver banished from seeing those babies again, I’ll find out about it when I die. Until then, I plan to keep looking forward to being happily reunited with every baby I’ve ever lost, both known and unknown.
    Why anybody would want to take that hope away from women who have lost babies is beyond me.

  • James

    Recurrent “surprise” pregnancies (assuming you are trying to avoid with NFP) + recurrent miscarriages may be a sign that something is off hormonally. If you have a history of postpartum depression, that’s also a sign something is off.

    As Therese said earlier, you may want to contact a NaPro physician or similarly trained practitioner and work with him or her during this pregnancy and after the child is born.

    • http://stacytrasancos.com/ Stacy Trasancos

      Thank you both. I’m ~4 years into NFP and the Creighton Method, and have worked with a NaPro doctor before.The underlying cause of infertility is due to my age, and unfortunately even NaPro can’t reverse that.

  • Rachel

    Thank you for sharing! I have so many thoughts…I can’t write them all down. Just thank you for sharing!

  • Mary C. Tillotson

    This reminds me of what Pope Francis has been hammering on – that everything we say must be bracketed in love. The Church teaches some hard things and isn’t willing to compromise, but it’s wrong to just walk up to a same-sex couple or divorced-and-remarried couple and say “you guys need to break up, now.” I am not super familiar with the idea of limbo, but even if it were dogmatically proclaimed as true, “your baby is in hell – but only the edge” isn’t the right way to talk about it.

    As I recall, CCC says this: we don’t know where they are, but we do know God desires all of us to be saved, and we entrust babies who die without baptism to the mercy of God (who, incidentally, is a loving Father, and is looking at all these children through those eyes).

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  • Ursula

    You are right about hope and that that concept of Limbo needs much more work…However, I do not think that Limbo being on the edge of hell has ever been something that the Church has taught…Besides, I KNOW that these babies are in Heaven. All that they truly know is God, they have barely left His Hands, IF they ever fully left them. For all we know their Soul has not left God’s Hands until it reaches the mother’s hands , or the doctor’s hands or whoever’s….It does not compute with the rest of Jesus’ teachings to think that God would abandon them…If we (not God) need a rationale to fit in with the rest of our imperfect expression of words for Jesus teaching and redemption of mankind then I would say, ‘baptism of desire’. Besides I think that baptism is only required for those of and in the world….and they are the ‘Holy Innocents’…Holy implies Heaven. Rest assured that your babies are in Heaven…Maybe they even have their own playground(your beach) they can go to where their mommies can still visit them until their mommies come Home,too…
    Those legalistic people you talked to are wrong. They have drawn erroneous conclusions in their interpretations of this concept. On this point they seem to have forgotten the Truth of Who God is…I tend to be legalistic myself but it is imperative that we do not make the rules into an idol as the Pharisees did. We must remember the laws are in service to Truth, to God and to expressing the Truth of God. They are NOT God. As Jesus said in Mark 2:27, The Sabbath was made for man, man was not made for the Sabbath..Rules are guides for us.They are not Gods and they cannot possibly encompass the reality , identity or Love of God!
    Words are really inadequate tools to attempt to express the Love of God, Jesus, Salvation and Truth… but I tried. I KNOW your babies are with God and really, you know it, too…I can tell…

    • VelikaBuna

      Although you are making many good points and raise good arguments, and I would agree with much of what you wrote, don’t you think you are a bit overreaching with your claims of “knowing” how things actually are? I think that throughout your argument you are unnecessarily confusing facts, emotion, desire and wishes, these things are not all the same. If God deemed good and beneficial for us to know certain things then He would have revealed them to us, but He wants us to trust in Him. He wants us to walk the life of faith rather than life of knowing all we wish to know. Through faith I believe there is a reason for this, although the reason is hidden. I like your points about overly “legalistic” people, yet there must be a balance i feel between being constantly restrained by legalistic aspect and, being irrational, emotionally unrestrained, and judging things without proper prudence. There is a healthy balance between these two extremes, which is healthy yet not lukewarm.

  • MaryP

    Somebody steered you wrong. There is a theological opinion about limbo (“place”) but that’s it. There is Scriptural evidence that the innocent are with the Lord (David’s child) and there is JPII’s words that the aborted are “living with the Lord.” Then there is the Ritual and the Catechisms admonishment that we entrust these children to God’s sure mercy. And then we have our Lord’s words, “In my Father’s house there are many mansions.” If Limbo even exits, it is the paradise of the just, part of the outskirts of heaven (like purgatory) not of hell.

  • Bernard_Morris

    Stacy, It’s my understanding that St.Bernard of Clairvoix preached that if the Child had Christian Parents (prior to the reformation, have to be Catholic) and they have the desire that their child be baptized, then the child receives the baptism of desire.
    Now, the confusion, theologians have since expanded this “Baptism of desire” to this heresy of universal salvation, (Ralf Martin “Will Many be Saved”)
    Also, we have the other side of the coin, where some believe that “actual” water baptism is required. … Well, My moneys on St. Bernard, and the Baptism of desire is not hard to believe when the child has loving Catholic Parents who “Firmly desire baptism, and salvation” of their child.
    I’d recommend that you hold fast to the FACT that your desire for your child to be with our Lord, has been realized. God Bless You!!!

    • james

      ” Now, the confusion, theologians have since expanded this “Baptism of desire” to this heresy of universal salvation, …”
      Thank God for these theologians and that Catholics who think otherwise are on a steep decline and will not longer be taken seriously. They have done grievous harm to the church.

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  • jenny

    The concept of Limbo was developed by man (priests) who never experience a baby close to their body – that is because man cannot get pregnant.
    It shows how evil , priests can be, to inflict such a pain in a mother’s heart. …because a man can not understand this kind of pain…..
    Why did the all-male church management change the view on limbo?
    Wasn’t it good? Did anyone apologize ? Did anyone repair the hurt inflicted on mothers?
    Did priests care ?
    Women priests would have never invented Limbo.

    • Bill S

      Well said. I don’t believe in an afterlife and I find it appalling and presumptuous of people to make up stories about the afterlife as has been the case for the past couple of thousand years. When you die, your brain stops working. The end.

  • Kathleen Laplante

    Hi Stacy! So glad I found you. Accepting Abundance disappeared and I could not figure out if you started a new blog or not. It’s been awhile since I have looked, but I just stumbled across this from another Holy Apostles student. :) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Kathleen +

  • Paul Peters

    Stracy Trasancos:

    You seem to be an adherent to the Novus Ordo sectarian community.
    That is bad news. That
    means you are pro-abortion and a supporter of the engagers of the
    Sin of Sodom. These abominable persons have a status of
    ‘good-standing’ within the Novus Ordo sect. That is why
    pro-abortion politicians are given the Novus Ordo “host” and are
    never
    excommunicated. That is why Sin of Sodom “Masses” called
    “gay masses” are held all over the Novus Ordo sect. That is why a
    “Christian” funeral was given to deceased pro-abortionist Ted
    Kennedy. That is why virtually the entire Novus Ordo in the united
    states has been providing abortion and contraception insurance
    coverage to its employees since the early 1990s. That is why the
    “hospitals” run by the Novus Ordo offer abortifacient
    contraceptions and perform sterilizations. That is why
    “transgender” funerals are held within the Vatican at a local
    “parish” headed by Jorge Bergoglio. That is why notorious
    transgenders are given “communion” at the local “parishes”
    controlled by the Vatican. All of this is apostasy.
    The pseudo conference of
    Novus Ordo pseudo-bishops annually makes large financial donations
    to pro-abortion groups and other such revolutionary causes. This
    alone is enough to prove that all of them are apostate and so are
    all persons who obstinately recognize them as ‘Catholics.’

    One must say that you are obstinate. Your personal belief
    section explicitly states you reject the sedevacante position. So
    it seems you have familiarity concerning the heresies of the
    post-Vatican II claimants to the papacy. See http://www.mostholyfamilymonastery.com/catholicchurch/francis-must-considered-pope/#.Uwa9Y85i30Q
    and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1BrvFUf3i0&list=PLD841087C099E5B90&feature=c4-overview-vl
    You recognize as a Catholic a man who publicly repudiates the
    necessity of the Catholic Faith for salvation. It is the same man
    who engaged in numerous documented acts of apostasy while still an
    anti-cardinal in Argentina. He has prayed multiple times with the
    Moslems. He has prayed multiple times with the Jews. He has prayed
    multiple times with the Protestants. The man is apostate. He never
    assumed the office of the papacy just like his antipope
    predecessors. They were dogmatically and canonically incapable of
    doing so due to their status as apostates. You do not care for the
    faith of Christ and neither do you have it. What matters to you is
    a figurehead whom you can call ‘papa’ and worship all because he is
    trotted out there in Rome wearing the robe. The fact that he does
    not possess the Catholic Faith means nothing to you. Actually you believe in absolutely
    nothing like the atheists. To you it’s all about
    externals. All your acts of worship and sacrifices are an
    abomination to the Lord Jesus Christ and you are piling up for
    yourself unspeakable torments. You will reap what you have sown.
    You will realize how you lied, how you ignored what really
    mattered, how you downplayed the significance of the doctrinal
    offenses which now as we can see were quite important; how you
    didn’t value things of the faith, how you sugarcoated the truth in
    order to please friends and colleagues, how you were more concerned
    about externals than about substance, how you failed to accept and
    tell the truth as it is, and how you didn’t serve God alone. You
    will then realize that you acted in fraud, lived under a fraud, and
    perpetuated a fraud. You will
    accept your condemnation: but God gives you a foretaste of that
    now with all the disappointment that antipope Jorge’s sect brings.
    It is a microcosm of what you will experience at your Judgment. I
    truly hope you convert to the Catholic Faith and realize the peace,
    the power, the security and the consistency of the uncompromising
    Catholic Faith: the only true Faith even in the world’s darkest
    days. I fear that your persistence in heresy is a sign of a
    dishonest woman who despises the truth and is simply not one of the
    predestined.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn9t0m6eG4Q&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PLD841087C099E5B90
    Is the World about to End? – The Apocalypse Explained?
    67 mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw0nVEGzCXk&list=PLD841087C099E5B90&feature=c4-overview-vl
    St. Malachy’s Prophecy of the Popes and Antipopes (2nd edition)
    15 mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB_hUdRKi4o The
    Third Secret of Fatima (3rd Edition) 2 hrs and 30
    mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1BrvFUf3i0&list=PLD841087C099E5B90&feature=c4-overview-vl
    What Jorge Bergoglio Really Believes 28 mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gD9a2uJWc8c&list=PLD841087C099E5B90
    Why the New Mass and New Rite of Ordination are Invalid
    47 mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHVXurgxtR8&list=PLGVSKByrYzstnb7NVcocWBI6qrV2me254&feature=c4-overview-vl
    Vatican II’s Protestant Heresy 18m mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWsgxCVYtAI&feature=relmfu
    Vatican II Council of Apostasy 89 mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mklekBxPiGk&feature=player_embedded
    Why John Paul II Was Not the Pope 87 mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uFeMMt-zFY The
    Amazing Heresies of Benedict XVI 61 mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODm338bA9-k
    The Amazing Heresies of Paul VI 48 mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCccGShKHp8&feature=player_embedded
    John Paul II Was the AntiChrist 98 mins

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFSQrKrrQqw&list=PLD841087C099E5B90
    NFP: A Birth Control Deception 68 mins

    http://www.mostholyfamilymonastery.com/Steps_to_Convert.php
    Steps to Covert to the Catholic
    Faith.